Floating

What an amazing weekend to celebrate! For my favorite holiday of the year, Chris flew out to California where we spent the weekend in Carmel experiencing and exploring the magnificent tapestry of the profound West Coast shoreline. Similar to Sedona last year, our adventures again led us to a unique place of worship on Easter Sunday: a Monastery by the sea that dates back to the early 30s. We also enjoyed hiking and driving along scenic Highway 1 in Big Sur - a truly spectacular view! It was the perfect relaxing weekend trip we both needed to recharge and reconnect.

As for an overdue life update: the best analogy I can draw to the ambiguity surrounding my existence since moving to San Fran is that it's much like being suspended in the air. Nearly every area of my life is filled with unknowns and is lacking short term definition. The place where I am today, shaped by both situational variables and personal decisions, is evolving for me the abstract Christian idea of "trusting G-d." What does it mean to trust Him? To believe that He will bring the resolution how and that you want? That if patient enough, you will ultimately be in His favor and your desires will be met? I think these assumptions totally disregard what I understand to be the nature of G-d. Having faith in His Lordship is finding rest and peace in the knowledge that we don't have to know what's coming next, just that we need to be present now. So what does that look like?

For me it has been messy, at best. Trying to center myself when my physical, emotional, professional, personal, relational and even spiritual environments are in flux has been an A-type person's nightmare. The back and forth between "trusting" and "fearing" that which I can't control has been a constant dichotomous energy drain. But I continue to try, thankful for grace. And I continue to learn. Specifically, I have begun letting go of a lot of guilt that once came with asking friends for favors. I would expect nothing in return for loving my friends and showing them hospitality, so why is my expectation that it would be any different the other way around? I am thankful for my incredible support system that has been built up over the years, now keeping me a float. I would absolutely not be able to do this alone.

Fate favors the bold. So I am daring to be bold, honest with myself, trusting in the plan, intentional in every action, and present in every moment. I'm hopeful for resolution and direction to come soon and will be sure to update as it does. Until then, I'm going to try to live each day as if it's on purpose.